Overheard at Laurier

A creepy guy approaches a random girl and wraps his arms around her.

Friend of girl: (moves in between them) Hey, she's mine.
Creepy guy: Well, it's my birthday, can I have you both?
Friend of girl: No, no, no, no, no, NO.

Creepy guy walks off, but not before grabbing the girl's butt.

Gay bar, overheard by TJ

Girl 1: Does watching Battlestar Galactica make us cooler or less cool than if we'd played board games?
Girl 2: ...I don't think it matters.

Overheard on University Ave.

Emo kid: Fine, you can look in my bag but don't read my journal.
Cop: Don't worry, it's probably too dark and depressing anyways.
Emo kid: SHINE THE LIGHT ON IT MOTHAFUCKA! I'M GONNA READ IT!
Cop: Okay, pick any random page you want.
Emo kid: "Dear Diary, today I went to school. I'm doing pretty good in English..."
Cop: That's enough.

Overheard in Victoria Park

Guy whose friend had a shoe in his "Rocky" (as in Horror) costume: I'm pretty sure everything he picked up tonight went down his pants.

Overheard after the Princess Cinema showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show on Halloween.

Guy: I want to make love to you and have tuna fish babies.

Overheard in the Aird building

Guy #1: He gets to have sex in the forest.
Guy #2: ...with my sister!

Overheard in the Concourse

Guy: You've got to make it cylindrical and penis-like.

Overheard outside Rocky Horror at Princess Cinema

Guy #1: She's only like, 15.
Guy #2: She's not as hot as that 7-year-old.

Girl: I don't know, with the right bra and some chain mail my boobs could look like that.

Overheard in the Torque Room

Guy #1: I want to go to Blockbuster.
Guy #2: You can't, its not open, it's 3am
Guy #1: Everything's open with a crowbar!

Overheard in Little House

Guy #1: I want to make babies!
Guy #2: You can't if you keep on putting it in the wrong hole!

Overheard on MSN

Can we have pizza with a side of fascism?

Overheard on Fir Street

Girl: You need to stop leading with your pelvis, no more pelvis.

Overheard in the Aird building

Girl: "Philosophy hurts my brain [giggles like Barbie^TM]. No, seriously, philosophy hurts my brain."

-Overheard by the Dining Hall

Girl: And at school dances, they were all like, "6 inches for God!"
Guy #2: Yeah, six inches for God's penis.
Guy #1: What the f*ck. Let's pretend God exists. If I were him, the all-powerful omnipotent being, I would make my cock like 22 feet long.
Guy #2: That's how crop cicles are made.
Guy #1: Oh yeah, 22-foot whirling God cock.

Overheard at Symposium

Dude #2: You know, when they're sensitive like that, you gotta take care of them.
Dude #3: Sensodyne is your friend.
Dude #2: Err. Yeah.. Sensodyne.

-Overheard at St. Mike's.

MA #1: How's your thesis going?
MA #2: I'm fucked. Seriously.
MA #1: Well, a picture is worth a thousand words.
MA #2: What?
MA #1: Just attach 30 pictures to your thesis.
MA #2: ...

Overheard in the Quad

Guy #1: I got asked 3 times in the past month if I’m gay.
Guy #2: Well, you are sort of effeminate.
Guy #1: Should I be flattered?
Guy #2: It depends, were they girls who were just curious or guys who were interested in you?
Guy #1: Girls.
Guy #2: Hmm. Maybe then were trying to find a way to say you're very stylish.

Overheard in the Torque Room by DQ

Girl in Ugg Boots on cell phone: "Well, I left the fuckin' bar all by my fuckin' self, Brad!"

Overheard on Hickory Street

Girl #1: I love how he's just lying there perfectly straight, and so far away from the car.
Guy: You've obviously never hit someone homeless.
Girl #2: They fly like nothing else.

Girl: Do we need to get more condoms?
Guy: I don't know. Whatever, I'll just ask my dad for some.
Girl: What?!
Guy: I'm kidding.
Girl: Now the next time we have sex I'm going to be thinking about your dad.
Guy: WHAT?!
Girl: IT'S NOT SO FUNNY ANYMORE IS IT?!

Overheard on University Ave. by Mike

Guy: Just because we've been in the same woman, doesn't mean we're twins.

Overheard at Symposium.

Roommate #1: Where have all our spoons gone?
Roommate #2: I dunno, we used to have tons of them.
Roommate #3: Maybe Lacey stole them and sold them on the black market.
Roommate #2: Why would black people want them?

Overheard on Albert St.

A tutorial leader for an English course at Laurier (who is doing his Master's in English) is explaining some of the conventions of essay-writing.

English course T.A.: The difference between passive voice and active voice is like saying "She was thinking" instead of "She thought".

-Overheard at St. Michael's campus

p.s. Good luck with that Master's Degree! *thumbs up*

Girl: So when he got to the party, his tongue was stuck to his ear, so that was another problem.

Overheard outside the Bricker Academic Building

I like goats. They make all my favourite sounds: [insert goat sounds here].

-Overheard in the Theatre Auditorium

Tipsy Girl: "But what University is in Guelph?"
Mostly Sober Girl: [blank stare] "...Guelph."

-Overheard at the Spur

Overheard at Laurier is running out of things to say! Send any weird, funny, or just plain interesting things you hear at or around Laurier to overheard @ overheardatlaurier.com!

Girl #1: My tongue is so long, I can lick all the ice cream out of a [Nestlé] Drumstick without ever biting the cone. I would make the World's Best Lesbian.

-Overheard at 157 Brighton St.

Prof: I love these Manchu names, they all sound like they're going to destroy Tokyo, DORGON!

-Overheard in class

Girl #1: I wonder if this is what anteaters feel like.
Girl #2: Anteaters are actually massive drug addicts.

-Overheard on Ezra

Prof: So if you need an extension, come talk to me, we'll talk, there will be tears, I'll pull myself together, and we'll get it figured out.

-Overheard in a Canadian History class

Girl: They were really big on dancing sailors back then.
Guy #1: I'm big on dancing sailors.
Guy #2: What's not to love about dancing seamen? I bet those boys are good swimmers.

Overheard in a University View apartment.

Guy: THEY TOLD ME THEIR TEETH WERE ITCHY, AND I BELIEVED THEM!

-Overheard outside The Spur

Girl: Hearing you say dirty stuff like that is like Jesus ordering a prostitute!

-Overheard on Brighton Street

Professor: ...Concubinage granted status and influence.
History Major: Things you will NEVER hear in Women's Studies for $400 Alex.

-Overheard in class

Girl: OMG messing around with two guys in one weekend is the least sluttiest thing I've ever heard! You are practically a nun!

Overheard in the Torque Room

(While watching Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark)
Girl: The only way I'd want to be an archaeologist is if I knew somebody was going to try to kill me, like, everyday.

Overheard in a living room.

Guy #1: "You'd like the clay and glass gallery, it's got some stuff like that."
Guy #2: "What the FUCK is the clay and glass gallery?"
Guy #1: "It's like a museum, but not like the ROM exactly..."
(silence)
Guy #2: "What the FUCK is the ROM?"

- Overheard on University Ave

Guy #1: Did you hear of that rapper that bought a gold chain for 3 BILLION dollars?
Guy #2: Dude! That's way to expensive, I would never spend that much.
Guy #1: I know. Honestly. The most I would ever spend on a nice quality gold chain is about $500,000.
Guy #2: Yeah, Maybe. If it's quality I can see about spending a few million.

Overheard in the Concourse

Guy: *sniffle sniffle* damn man, I really need one of those nasal inhalers.

Overheard in the bathroom

Girl #1: Isn't that your favourite class?
Girl #2: Yeah it's right up there with Hell.
Girl #1: We have that class?
... silence...
Girl #3 (to Girl #2): What would they teach in that class?
Girl #2: Better question... who would teach it?

- Overheard in The Terrace

Roommate #1 (staring at a rack of drying dishes): I don't know why everyone piles their shit here!

- Overheard on Albert St.

Choir Director: Don't sing to your laps, there's no one down there... I hope.

-Overheard in the Recital Hall

(A group of girls are laughing together in a lounge)

Girl (protesting): "No, come on guys, I'm serious! On a scale of one to ten on how much I want a monkey...."

Overheard in Conrad Hall

Macho Guy: So I was sitting at home listening to some Celine Dion...
(awkward silence)
Macho Guy: What? Are you going to judge me or something?
Girl: Well, yeah!

Overheard outside the FNCC

Girl: I'm going to buy this CD...
Guy: Buying music? That's so old school.
Girl: It's for my boyfriend, okay?

Overheard in the library.

Girl: Well, so of course he put a fucking notice on MySpace, but the fucking cops watch MySpace.

Overheard in Bricker Academic Building

(while eating sour keys)
Girl: I want another strangely phallic candy!

Overheard in the Torque Room

Guy: Is she a vegetarian?
Girl #1: No, she very much likes her sausage.
Girl #2: But I don't even like sausage.
Girl #1: Do you like tacos?
Guy: *dies laughing*

Overheard in the cafeteria

Emo guy with cellphone: I just buy these things; I don't know how they work.

Overheard in the Concourse